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A Very Brief History Of Johnny

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Grandma woke me up way too early! I'm still in my jammies and reading Peanuts! Natural curls!

In 1980 this stupid mountain called St. Helens decided it was time to blow! After the ash had settled over Eastern Washington State, we ended up with a week off from school. Instead of staying home and making ourselves useful, we decided it was road-trip time! Off we went thru Idaho and Montana, up into Alberta, Canada. We ended up at Bedrock City, Kelowna, BC! Scope the knee-highs! Style, baby!

FLASH! Johnny was a fashon model! WHAT?! That's right! I was actually duped onto Nordstrom's runway scene by my mother! Seems she knew I should probably get used to people staring at me for extended periods of time and this was her way of subtly nudging me on. Yeah, nudging me on over the edge! I was scared to death! Look how clenched my cheeks are! Pencil test, anyone?

Enter puberty! Hey, who didn't look like a geek at their prom? Da- da- DA! Faster 'cause he borrowed Mom's Fiero! Smelling more powerful because he borrowed Dad's Polo! Able to dance to difficult 80's tunes like "Owner Of A Lonely Heart" by Yes! It's a penguin! It's an artist's conception of a bad-hair day! NO! IT'S TUX-BOY! Just shoot me.

My first high-paying radio job! I got $7/hr to walk around Seattle's Capitol Hill neighborhood wearing this sign and looking somber. The big payoff- Free admission and full-access backstage pass to the first Lollapaloosa Festival! DUDE! Fishbone! Violent Femmes! Henry Rollins! The Jim Rose Circus Sideshow! (Ask about the "Tug-o-War) Siouxsie And The Banshees! Janes Addiction! YEAH BUDDY!

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